Just in case you, too, had no idea what pertinacity meant until laying eyes on the word:
Pertinacity is a quality of sticking with something, no matter what. It’s a type of persistent determination.
People who have pertinacity won’t give up, and they stick with things doggedly. Pursuing a difficult career requires pertinacity. Pertinacity is a mix of courage, conviction, and a little stubbornness. Pertinacity requires a strong will and self-confidence. Pertinacity can also be called perseverance, persistence, and tenaciousness. Pertinacity is related to the word tenacity, which is also a quality that combines determination and commitment.
Do you ever have those moments where a mix of random and significant happenings from the last few weeks or months suddenly piece together in your brain? Sometimes they piece together in the form of a bright, neon list of words…or an intense feeling you can’t quite label…or even a reoccurring theme. No matter what the puzzle looks or feels like, it’s an incredible “Ah, HA!” feeling.
I just had an explosion of realizations about perspective + perseverance in my little head, and there’s nothing left to do but let them FLOOD from my HEART to my FINGERTIPS to YOU.
It all started piecing together yesterday morning. I woke up mentally and physically exhausted. These last five weeks have consisted of two back-to-back, rigorous experiences: three weeks of intensive language courses + eight days of intensive job training.
These intense stretches exercised muscles in my brain I didn’t even know EXISTED. They worked my nerves like no other and tested just how much I could cram into my memory. They were tiring, BUT they were a blessing.
So with my face smashed in my pillow and my motivation melting into the mattress, I thought something to myself I haven’t thought yet: “Man…I REALLY miss having a car. I could reeeally use a trip to a drive-thru Starbucks right now.”
(When I asked David if he’s thought about his car, he replied, “ALL the time.” His BMW is in the hands of his twin brother until we return. When our nephew rides in the car with him, he goes, “Dad, why are you driving Uncle David’s car?” SO dang cute.)
All I wanted to do yesterday was put on some sunglasses (I haven’t needed those things for MONTHS), hop into Rhonda (I miss that 13-year-old silver Honda!!), blare some Spoon (GOSH, I miss driving to music!), have my long lost Americano-with-steamed-nonfat-and-a-sprinkle-of-cinnamon handed to me in record time (Germans don’t know what Americanos are unless you’re at a Starbucks), then, call my mom on the way back (All my long-distance calling, er FaceTiming or Skyping, depends on WiFi.).
UGH. In short, I was REALLY missing home and all the little comforts that came with life in Denver.
I could have sat there and continued to wallow in those feelings, BUT instead, I decided to cease the morning for what it was, not what it wasn’t. So, David and I bundled up and dragged each other out the door and walked to Starbucks. The cold, crisp air woke me up immediately, the SUN was out and actually shining on our cheeks, and all my favorite little ducks and geese dotted the water along the way.
While it’s comforting to think about what I’ll eventually get back to in Denver, it’s also pretty cool to think about what’s in front of us HERE. And get this…we liked that first-thing morning walk SO much, we rolled out of bed and got straight to it again today. We even stumbled upon an antique market this time!
Guess what? We’re approaching our three-month mark. Just about a week away. Apparently, three months after you move somewhere new, all the honeymoon (…or shall we say honeymove?) dust settles. You realize you’ve really actually moved away, and you ask yourself just W-T-F you were thinking…BUT you get through it.
So far, I haven’t had the panic or WTF questions about actually moving here, but I definitely had the panic thoughts about work this week. On the sixth day of my training, my thoughts were riddled with doubts:
Was this teaching thing the right choice?
Is this going to immerse me in Germany?
Will teaching English pull me away from learning German?
How am I going to do this??
This is going to be way harder than I thought.
Will I be able to think on my feet and roll with students’ expectations?
Every time I’m put on the spot to mock teach, I freeze. How will I ever be ready?
I’m so overwhelmed.
I’m not sure I’m meant for this.
I messaged David all my thoughts. He was out of town for work. His response was perfect: “Use these feelings as motivation to prove that you can do it.”
Then, it clicked. Those little reminders about growth and perseverance that have gracefully gotten me through this journey so far…they all hit me again.
>>> All this tension is just what I need. It’s a sign that I have room to grow. I’m not meant to have all the answers right now.
>>> Why look at these challenges and complain about them when I could be channeling that energy into motivation to overcome them?
>>> I should be turning fear of failure into fuel for growth. OH, that’s GOOD. I like that. I will stick with that.
I have no idea how teaching is going to go, but I do know that I will learn from these experiences. Yes, it’s going to be challenging, yes, it’s totally different than anything I’ve ever done before, but the only thing I can be certain of at this point is that something amazing awaits – even if it’s an incredible lesson.
God is at work, and he’s throwing a great test at me. I’m surrendering to his design, and it feels amazing.
Even though it may not feel right or comfortable on the surface at times, I know deep down that I’m exactly where I need to be.
When we’re in the thick of a storm, sometimes it feels like the clouds will never part, but eventually, in some way, shape or form, they always do.
When we make it through a challenging day, week, year or heavy stretch of our lives, we always come out stronger and primed for more. We are graced with new appreciations and perspectives THANKS to these challenges. We CAN look back and think, “Gosh…that seemed so monumental at the time,” or “Wow, I DID it!” or “OK, that was actually really funny.”
For example: The Sunday night we got back from Amsterdam, things were a little overwhelming…
In between FaceTiming with family and nervously practicing my first mock class for Monday, we found a leak under our kitchen sink, then, we noticed some weird mildew/mold growing near the ceiling…THEN, the icing on the cake? I realized I’d forgotten my retainer and mouth guard in the Netherlands!!! GASP! (Or if you say it with a mouth guard in…GASSHP!)
>>> Soapbox Sidenote: Yes, in the grand scheme of life and everything happening on this planet, these “challenges” I’ve been babbling about are very laughable. While I almost always remind myself of this reality in reflection, I also think it’s 200% appropriate to own and embrace the experiences that are unique to our journeys. There will ALWAYS be bigger problems out there in the world. There will ALWAYS be smaller problems. As long as we’re finding significance or learning opportunities in everything we can, who cares how mundane or privileged they might be perceived by others? OWN it! It’s YOUR life! OK. Stepping off my soapbox, now.
And YES, at the age of 30, I still wear a retainer. Laugh it up, punks! I’m convinced my teeth have the muscle memory of goldfish and will start swimming in random directions if not properly caged in!
At the time, it felt like the world was ending, but you know what? Everyone survived!!! And it makes for a pretty funny story…a story that even made a GERMAN laugh! 😉
(Ask David about the sense of humor level in the Dusseldorf office compared to Denver. His jokes, oh-so-often taken too literally, fall flat more than he can count. BUT his recounting of these failed jokes? Hilarious.)
So, poor Oliver, a fellow Berlitz trainee hailing from the DORF, was subjected to the dirty details of my forgotten, disgusting dental devices.
Me: So, Oliver. This is reeeally random and also quite embarrassing, but do you know anyone who has to wear a mouth guard when they sleep?
Oliver: [laughs] What??? A mouth guard???
Me: Ya. I grind my teeth. Did you ever have braces?
Me: You know, those awkward silver things that straighten teeth?
Oliver: OH, I think I know what you mean, but as you can see, my teeth are perfect. I didn’t need them.
Me: OH! Well, mine were ALL over the place, and after I got my braces off, I needed to wear a retainer…and I STILL wear it…AS WELL AS a mouth guard.
Me: So, there IS a point to this. I FORGOT THEM IN AMSTERDAM.
Oliver: [laughs] Oh, NO!
Me: I know. I called the Marriott last night. That was a funny phone call…
Me: They HAVE them, but they won’t MAIL them! Someone has to pick them up. So, I’ve been brainstorming which poor, innocent soul I should burden with the task of picking up my slimy “headgear.” David’s friend from high school whom I’ve never met? No. The girl I befriended in the bathroom at Meerbar who lives in the “DAM?” No. My friend is heading there this weekend with colleagues, and I DO feel comfortable asking her, BUT no matter how well I know the person, it’s still weird. It’s like asking someone to cart a body part across town. It’s like asking someone to hand you your dentures.
Oliver: Are they in a case?
Me: Yes, thank GOODness, but whoever lays their hands on that black case is going to have that curious feeling you get when you drive past a car accident. No matter how disturbing the scene, you can’t help but want to look, you know? I’m not sure I want someone seeing these things!! It’s like lifting the lid of a coffin and finding the corpse of the…TOOTH FAIRY!
Oliver: [laughs and laughs] You should be a storyteller! Your stories…they’re so far from any sort of plot, but hilarious all the way through!
Me: Hmmm…I’ll take that as a compliment, Oliver.
Oliver: And you know, I feel sorry for people who go through life and can’t laugh about their embarrassing moments!
Me: You know what?? I AGREE.
Like my dad always says, if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane!
So, what am I getting at? What’s the overarching moral of these long-winded, random stories??? I’m starting to ask myself the same question.
Let me try to sum it up. AHEM. OK.
Focus, Brit. Focus.
So, back to pertinacity. Why did I toss that in? Not only can we embrace pertinacity in our actions, but I like the idea of applying it to the way we SEE things and letting it trickle from there. We can persevere through anything, and God will not hand us anything more than we can handle.
Don’t give up!
Remember: You can always shift your perspective.
The sun must set before it can rise!
A seed must endure darkness and incredible weight before it can grow!
The glass is ALWAYS half full! 😉 I had to go there.
Life is so incredibly freeing when we see things for what they are and not what they aren’t!
Fox example: Our little nephew turned 3 on Friday. I completely spaced to get a card or gift in the mail in time.
While David and I were bummed about missing his party, I shifted my perspective of the situation and instead asked myself how we could embrace it for what it IS. So, we planned a quick Skype date before his party, bought a huge piece of cake, a “3” candle and plotted the perfect “virtual blow-out.” We, er, David, practiced putting out a tea light from a distance with a spray bottle. Good thing we practiced. The first few times, David missed the candle and totally sprayed my face.
SO, when it came time to chat and sing Happy Birthday to him, we told him to blow into the screen. From his view, he saw the candle blow out magically, and from our view, David successfully sprayed the flame and we saw a PRICELESS expression. I planned on videoing it, but got so lost in the moment. My nephew’s smile made my world stop. THAT, my friends, totally beats everything I was sad to miss. We were able to share in a super special moment, all because we decided to shift our perspective.
OK. I’m sick of hearing myself talk, and as you can see, I have lots to say about this topic.
Until my next babble sesh, I want to hear about your own shifted perspectives and “Ah, HA” moments!
Hugs and high fives,