The other morning, a tiny miracle happened.
“Oh, NO, you guys. Look what happened,” I said, as I noticed that our future sunflower had been pummeled by a recent hail storm.
Not only had this tiny, mighty, two-inch stem sprouted from a seed that JeeWoo gave me for Mother’s Day, but it was also a fave flower of my late mom-in-law.
Even though it was torture knowing this thing wouldn’t be bloomin’ for 60-80 days (*if* it even did), it sure was special to nurture it and be in wonder of it every time we saw a little growth. It was the biggest-littlest gift I’d ever received and such a wonderful way to honor Colleen.
And just like that…
It was gone.
“It’s okay, mommy!” JeeWoo said, as he pointed to the budding daisies right next to it. “Look! THESE strong ones!”
As I felt impressed and comforted by his eagerness to cheer me up, I suddenly noticed a dragonfly overhead. I didn’t think much of it until it kept soaring…in circles…around us…for a solid few minutes. I’d never seen anything like that. Dragonflies are usually in and out.
This unexpected, freak-of-nature moment gave me an AHA:
When something ends, it’s okay to be sad. It’s good to sit with it. But don’t wallow in it. If you hang your head too long, you just might miss what’s waiting for you. Look up and see the miracles that are happening all around you.
Thank you, dragonfly, for reaffirming everything I’ve been realizing this last month.
You see, after launching my book and hosting a big ‘ol event around it, I felt blank, sad, and numb.
And because I was blank, sad, and numb in the aftermath of two things that were on all accounts very joyful and exciting — I mean, get a load of some of the moments from the night:
…I felt guilty and confused.
And because I didn’t even know WHY I felt those things, I felt worse.
Every time I sat down to recap on the evening of all evenings and let you know that Mama Be Present had officially taken flight, I’d freeze. On top of that, I didn’t have a lot of time. The day after launching, JeeWoo’s summer break kicked off.
After a few freak-outs and a lotta suggestions from friends + fam to do the thing I’m really good at encouraging everyone else to do (REST!), I did just that for a while.
And here are some things I learned:
1. Post-book blues are REAL. And…they’re NORMAL.
One day, I literally googled, “Depression after publishing a book,” and just seeing those words was kind of comical, because how could someone be THAT SAD after doing something they’ve dreamed of doing for SO LONG?
Well, the “so long” part is part of it. In the copious posts I found on a topic I thought only existed in my brain, that was a consistent theme. You work so hard on this thing for “so long.” You nurture it for “so long.”
And just like that…the creating is over.
The editing has ended. And the full, joyous room you envisioned for six months is suddenly empty. It’s a shock to the system.
But. Seeing I wasn’t the only one who was experiencing this (and much, much more) was very helpful. It put words to the feelings I couldn’t describe while lifting a huge weight off my chest. It also helped me realize that:
2: “The end” is in the eye of the beholder.
I’m the kind of person who grieves when a good show ends, gets overwhelmed when my shampoo runs out, and is saddened by a final sip of coffee.
I even up and quit my “9-5” a month after my wedding because I longed to work with local businesses again and create more things from scratch. (If THAT’s not a serious case of the post-wedding blues, I don’t know what is!) But you know what cool beginning came from that soul-sucking end? My own marketing company!
When you’re in the thick of something ending, it’s hard to trust that something else is at work. It’s difficult to see all the GOOD things. But there’s two reasons all those one-door-closes-another-one-opens memes exist:
- Every end really is a new beginning. (I’m finally seeing this again!)
- We need many reminders of this wonderful reality. (Clearly. There are millions of those memes. Not that I’ve been looking at ALL of them.)
So, here’s my point about the whole beholder thing, with a tieback to that tiny miracle:
You can choose to feel empty over what’s been lost,
(the dead sunflower)
or you can feast your eyes on what’s been unfolding right in front of you,
(the budding daisies)
all while being open to wildly unexpected, oh-so-beautiful things to come.
(the dragonfly)
What are these nature-y things symbolizing for YOU right now?
In other words:
What’s YOUR dead sunflower? (What are you grieving/missing?)
What’s YOUR budding daisy? (What’s been right in front of YOU…all this time…on the verge of blooming?)
Email me or let me know in the comments. Or if you have no idea what that is right now, I’ll help you dig for it. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh, outside perspective.
Wanna know one of my budding things?
It’s time to finally do The Thing that’s been creeping into my daydreams every day for months:
3: It’s time to start a Substack.
In other words, the newsletter I sent for NINE YEARS from Mailchimp, a platform that’s started to feel like a silo and now has hefty monthly fees, has now moved to…
>>> Substack, a wonderland for sharing content via blogs/newsletters/notes and connecting with others via chats/threads/more for free.
Many writers on the platform have paying subscribers, but my content will be free. Maybe down the road I’ll offer some paid, additional options, but yeah. That’s the deal.
You might get some default emails from Substack encouraging you to voluntarily pay a little each month, and for that, I’d be SO AMAZED and grateful for your support, but it’s NOT a requirement to read my ramblings.
Also. If you received my old newsletters, you don’t need to re-subscribe.
So, what will my Substack be about?
<drumroll>
<cue the confetti>
AH! You have no IDEA how many things I have waiting in the wings about, well, explaining what Moon Pollen is, sharing hidden art, how publishing a book is very similar to motherhood, finding beauty in the anguish of waiting, TONS more tiny miracles, and all the raw, in-progress things in between.
Thank you for joining this ride with me, which in many ways is ONLY beginning!
To daisies + dragonflies,
P.S. Here’s more info on the book!
Mama Be Present: 40 Simple Yet Magical Ways to Find Joy in The Toddler Days is officially available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop, Walmart, and more.
P.P.S. I appreciate you. You’re awesome. Thanks for reading!
Brit Stueven 